Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
