He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
There was a lot of him and a little penis
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
