grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
i now understand why vodka
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
