i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
