It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
