fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
