..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
