dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
