you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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