that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
