I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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