If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
