So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
