she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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