Please don't use social media to get back at me.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
