i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
