That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
