Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
