I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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