so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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