if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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