Pappa wants mamma naked
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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