There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
