Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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