and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
