If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
