I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
