thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
