i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
