We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
