I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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