wakey wakey hands off snakey
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
