So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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