Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
