Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
