handjob tips. give me some.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
