So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
