no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
