Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
