i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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