The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
