Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
