Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
