the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
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