Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
