Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
