Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
4 words: hood of his car
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
