Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
