It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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