I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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